K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You made out with two different species that night
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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