I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just found puke in my bra..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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