i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize