You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The adults are the big ones right?
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