The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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