so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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