Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Liz is crying about burritos again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize