8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
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I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need water and some morals
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