shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize