I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just gargled with NyQuil
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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