Please, let me fuck your mom
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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