If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize