i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
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She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
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Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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