idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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