I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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