dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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