I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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