I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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