I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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