I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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