she was so not down for the gang bang
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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