Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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