k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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