you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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