Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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