On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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