Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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