she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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