If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize