just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize