he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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