just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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