oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize