Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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