i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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