I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize