tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
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I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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