Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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