I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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