Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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