I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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