how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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