honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
