a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize