nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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