the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize