Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
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We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
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Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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