I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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