based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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