this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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