i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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